Tulip Time, Maybe

I used to think squirrels were adorable. Small balls of fur with bushy tails and noses that wriggle as they daintily nibble a nut from their little front paws. We had several stuffed ones around the house when the girls were young. The stuffed ones are cute as can be. Because they can't actually chew. My husband loves to garden. I love to enjoy the fruits of his labor--literally, eating the fruits and vegetables, and admiring the flowers he grows. I love tulips, so he created a garden of spring flowers that I can see from the kitchen window. Every fall he would plant dozens of tulips and I'd eagerly wait for the blossoms to pop. First the crocuses, then the daffodils, and finally the tulips. The expanse of varied-colored blooms was gorgeous. As time went on, we noticed that the number of tulips was shrinking, no matter how many he planted. A squirrel had found the buffet. He dug up and ate the newly planted bulbs in the fall, but we didn't notice at first. He's a neat little thief and covered up the holes so they didn't show. In the spring, he lies in wait for the ones he didn't eat to blossom. He passes up the crocuses. He eschews the daffodils. Then the tulips show up and so does the squirrel. I don't know If it's one squirrel or a gang of them. I never see more than one at a time, so I think of it as one ravenous beast. A couple of years ago we decided to stop planting new bulbs, hoping that the dwindling supply of food would send him looking for a new restaurant. A motion-sensor spray of water doesn't deter him. And he always manages to get the food out of the trap without tripping the door. Resilient and smart. It's an ugly, if efficient, combination. The last straw came when I was washing dishes and saw the squirrel go up to a tulip, put his paw behind the blossom and shove the entire thing into his mouth. I was speechless. Then he did it again and I started to pound on the window and yell, hoping to startle him into running away. He didn't react at all. I guess I'm not that scary, at least not from inside the house. He looked straight at me and shoved another flower into his mouth. I swear he winked and waved a little paw at me before turning and strolling away. Aaaaargh.