Other-Help

Self-help books have been popular for decades: Have Perfect Hair in 6 Easy Steps! The Perfect Garden by May! Learn To Upholster Furniture in Your Spare Time and Make Millions! How To be Perfect Without Trying! Most--I'd say all, but I don't want to be accused of exaggerating--are annoying and pointless, unless you're looking for a good laugh. As long as you realize you're reading fiction, you're okay. Actual self-improvement takes an awful lot of work and can be exhausting. What I find to be much more fun and satisfying is Other-Help. Think back to the last conversation you had with a friend. As soon as she mentioned an issue with a child or at work or at the Dr.'s office last week, weren't you just bursting with great ideas to fix it? That's what I do. I usually have so many perfect solutions and resounding retorts that I can barely hold them in until my friend has stopped talking. I have no doubt whatsoever that my fixes will get her life back on easy street. In a group of four or five, the person sharing a concern needs to have pen and paper on hand to capture all the perfectly marvelous advice she will get from just about everyone there. Does it matter that some of the suggestions contradict each other? Not at all. Surely after she's tried the other ideas, she'll get around to mine and be ready to fall at my feet in gratitude for solving her crisis. I once met with a group of 12-15 women and if someone mentioned a problem, sometimes the advice went on for so long that we never got the business we were there to address. I have no idea if men do this in a group. My husband is rather closed-mouth about it. I know that their instincts cause them to find solutions for the problem a woman is venting about, but do they do it with each other? I don't know and I don't know if I'll ever find out. I just know that women do it all the time. It doesn't even have to be someone we know. Strike up a conversation with the person behind you in a slow-moving line and within minutes one will be giving the other advice. Sometimes we ask for it--can't make up your mind about the color of the sweater you're considering? Can't decide which brand of rice will work best in your recipe? If you don't see someone nearby who appears sympathetic, just stand there looking confused and within minutes someone will notice you and offer an opinion. It's what we do. We just want to help.