They're Paying Me $2.50 an Hour To Go Bananas

January 19, 2022

Since I've spent the past couple of weeks reminiscing about my favorite sources of humor, I thought that this week I'd invite you to join me, Mr. Peabody and Sherman on a trip in the Wayback Machine. Back to a time when I spent summers working as a secretarial temp. Little was expected of me, mostly answering the phone while the real secretary was on vacation. This left me with a lot of time on my hands. Sometimes I could read, other times I had to appear as though I was earning my salary. I wrote this during one of those times. It was my first stab at humor.

And that $2.50/hour in the title? Minimum wage back then!

I've always wanted to write a book. Not always, actually, the feeling comes and goes. So today I made the momentous decision to begin my version of TGAN. (That's The Great American Novel.)

First, I would like to get something straight. I'm not a amateur at dealing with boredom at temp jobs. Making paper clip chains and counting the number of staples left in the Swingline are far below me. I concentrate solely on advanced maneuvers.

1. Determine the number of words you can make using only the right hand keys of the typewriter. I found sixty.

2. Read the dictionary. You will probably have to be desperate before you try this one, unless you are one of the intellectual types and spend your spare moments perusing encyclopedias, scientific journals, and "Popular Mechanics."

I ran into an unusually interesting dictionary this morning. Although it looked to be a small volume the cover announced that it had over 20,000 words. I was soon absorbed by the Introduction. I avidly consumed the information that this edition had been revised to contain among other necessities, a vast number of expressions that involve the problem of deciding whether they are two words or one hyphenated word. Then comes the juicy part. The reason they were able to fit in so many words is that they didn't include definitions. Maybe they think we know all the definitions, we just have a little problem with spelling.

3. If you have never known truly complete mental absorption, try writing a word, any word - my favorite is doodle - in as many artistic styles that you can dream of. Done in moderation, this continues to be one of my favorite diversions. If you follow it through conscientiously, you will develop one of the worst cases of writer's cramp you can imagine. Now you have something concrete to concentrate on.

4. Write a book.

* * * * *

You've come a long way, baby!

Maybe.

omaspillsthebeans says:

2022-01-20, 23:57:17

Oh gosh! I remember those phone books. It was interesting stuff! And thanks for the encouragement - the book is in process, but it's a sow process!

Ruth Henderson says:

2022-01-20, 19:04:24

You sound as nerdy as I was when I worked at the Gas Company. I liked reading the telephone book. I studied the first 20 pages or so, and some in the back. They use to be full of unusual information and tips you couldn't get anywhere else. But, please don't forget about writing your book! There must be one in you begging to come out or you wouldn't be doing this blog with such dedication.