To Mom

It's only been a few days since you passed away and I'm still numb. My strongest emotion is thankfulness that you were able to live out your last days in your own home as you wanted, and that you just didn't wake up that morning. And frankly, I've never been in the position of having to deal with the aftermath of someone's death before. The amount of work is staggering and it's keeping my mind off "things." Family gave you your greatest joy in life and you loved your granddaughters and two great-grandsons deeply. You were a very social person and collected friends everywhere you went. I once teased you that I could drop you in a totally deserted area at 9:00 in the morning and by noon you'd be having lunch with three new friends. You just smiled and said, "Probably." Going through your house, I'm laughing about some of your quirks. You always said you weren't a saver, but yesterday I threw away, as a conservative estimate, 5,000 return address labels, some so old they were yellow and peeling off the backing. And you saved the contracts for everything you did, including the first car you leased in 1995, even though there have been seven more cars since then. Little special memories are popping into my mind unbidden. One of my favorites was when you visited us in Germany when I was pregnant with my first child ... a circumstance you never really forgave me for--the location, not the baby. You were looking at me with a kind of bemused wonder on your face when you said, "I can't believe my baby's having a baby!" I saw that same look on your face more recently when you said, "I can't believe my baby's on Medicare!" Time waits for no woman. I know the sorrow will come, most likely unexpectedly, but for now I'll think of a life well lived with kindness and generosity, and your love of family and friends.