How To Cook the Perfect Turkey

The first few years that my husband and I were married we lived near both our families. Thanksgiving was a holiday spent with one or the other. Then, compliments of the Army, we were living in Germany, along with quite a few people who had been in ROTC with my husband, and their significant others. We became an informal family, celebrating special events and spending holidays together. Somehow, we ended up hosting the first Thanksgiving abroad. The Commissary (military grocery store) laid in a good supply of turkeys and cranberry sauce so we could all celebrate in style. The evening before the big feast, I remember standing in the kitchen, staring at the big turkey. I had no clue where to begin. My husband wandered through just then and asked me what was wrong. I was barely keeping the panic under control. I said, "I have no idea what to do with this thing!" He said, "That's not a problem. I always helped my mom cook the turkey." From that day on, he has been the one-and-only turkey chef in the family. I do the side dishes, so it works out evenly. As the family in the area got smaller, we tried going to restaurants for Thanksgiving. Sometimes we'd have a really good meal, but when we went back the next year, it would be very disappointing. After too many years of strange or even poor dinners, we decided on a change. My husband and I prepared the entire meal and took it to my Mom's. Available family joined us there. The most felicitous part of this new system was how wonderful the turkey was--moist and amazingly tender. And I'd been worried that it wouldn't be edible. So here's the secret: Cook the turkey in a roasting bag, following the directions. Remove it from the oven a little before the button pops. How do you know when it's close to popping? I have no idea--that's my husband's department. Once I asked him how he knew and he shrugged. After a bit, he said, "I guess." I'm sure you'll figure out your own system. Then you take the entire thing, bag and all, and transfer it into a large, preheated cooler. (Boil water in a microwave-safe bowl and put in the closed cooler for ten minutes.) I should mention that you need to use a disposable aluminum pan so that the sides will bend to fit in the cooler. Close it up and put it in the car. Here's the critically important part: Drive the turkey around for at least an hour and a half. It takes a little longer than that to get to my mom's and the turkey's always perfect. It barely needs to be carved--the meat is falling off the bones. I don't know why this works, only that it does. In case you're worried, it doesn't breed some terrible bacteria during this "resting" time. No one has ever gotten even the teeniest bit sick after one of these dinners and we've been doing it for years. By the way, if you don't have anywhere to go because the dinner's at your house, leave someone else in charge of the rest of the prep and just go. The break will do you good, And the turkey will be perfect.